Mature

Growing up, I remember the sheer joy at feeling as if I owned a seemingly endless brain. Connections took no effort, ideas chained together, and finding an internal answer was no more easier than opening up a book and pointing to a line. There was a lack of any barrier preventing personal growth. A seemingly endless amount of ability with absolutely no cap.

This realization hit me like a brick. Someone put a thick cap on my gusher of potential, and completely cut the flow(yeah, fuck you BP). Ideas came more seldomly, and connections were even harder to press.

And worst of all, I had absolutely no patience.

Who or what's to blame for my sudden deterioration? Is it someone? Something? An idea? A thought? When exactly did it happen?

What the fuck turned me into this pathetic excuse of a functioning brain, wasting away my potential through a thick drink of apathy and laziness?

And then it came to me. My mind's been poisoned. A thick veil of gray covered my once bright brain. A giant pile of trash, seeping over and stopping the flow of creativity. And I swear, I can physically feel it blanketing out my thoughts.

The culprit? Living in such a patience-scarce society. But that's for another day.

I admit it. I'm addicted to swift, tidbits of information- blurbs and slights of the whole picture.

I used to pride myself in my ability to to patiently analyze and form opinions. And now what? I feel this crack-like need to jump around erratically from website to website, to swallow every headline or funny picture I can see.

It's a high. A pathetic, self-deprecating high. I've even lost the patience to read a fucking book.

I'm changing this. I'm taking the reigns one more time, and reclaiming the mind that was once mine. There's no bigger shame in the world than wasted potential. I refuse to waste my gift self-proclaimed "gift."