The sheer existence of the concept of "social justice" depresses me. Within this haughty and grandiose web of humanism we weave, you'd think there'd be some semblance of being "more" than animals.

Oh, what an irony. What a tragic, fucking irony. Our adherent usage of schematic thinking-- labeling, classification, and exclusion-- seems entirely devoid of rational thought. It's animalistic, but entirely more so than actual animals.

If we're so elevated on a higher pulpit than the common organism, why are we so insistent on applying a bastardized form of Darwinism on ourselves? Racially based hate? Selective injustices? Selective breeding is a nature phenomena, as it serves a purpose of maintaining a good genetic pool-- the previous two are a sad exemplification of just how "morally conscious" we all are.

Bullshit.

I believe in the unspecified capacity of man to rise above our petty and animalistic selves. Difficult and seemingly impossible? You bet. However, with such capacity for higher thought and absolute moral-goodness, you'd think man would've crossed this ridiculous threshold years ago.

I'd like to think we're most than just animals. Entirely idealistic? Perhaps.

But hey, nothing like daily interactions to challenge your core beliefs!

It's been a barrage of quotes and lyrics lately... I won't buck the trend for this post, either.

"Now we rise, and we are everywhere."- Nick Drake

A fantastically ethereal and serene line.

"It's not if but how it will break you down,

and how attached you are to that shaky ground.

Will you let it take you to where it wants you to be?

When the wings are too heavy to fly,

and there�s no refuge in sight,

the ones who will survive will be brave enough to stare it back in the eye."

-Sims

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent.

Is He able, but not willing? T hen He is malevolent.

Is He both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is He neither able nor willing? Then why call Him God?

--Epicurus

Wherever life pushes you, you're still always your own center of gravity.

There are few things I can't fake. This is one of them.

I've never felt anchored to all of this. It's impossible for me to understand, to fully integrate wholly into this world. I'm not sure what I'd attribute it to, but it's the ultimate form of compliance to just... accept it all.

How does one live with such primal and simple pleasures? We continue our extended rat-race, and pass the baton off to the next generation, and repeat the perpetual cycle of nothingness. We seek our intrinsically meaningless pleasures, stretch for fleeting statuses... all for what?

It's not the acceptance of the fact. I suppose I've managed to camouflage, and have taken sanctity in certain activities as well. But is there no realization of what lies beyond our narrow scopes?

Man was given the enormous freedom to ponder. However, we ignore this fact, and continue our blind course.

I go through the motions, save-face, and put on the charade of similitude. But frankly, it takes effort that I just wish I didn't have to utilize. There's no heart for me here.

Everyone's rooted, and I was dug up a long time ago.

From my Junior year blog:

JNH (N, V)- A chameleon like creature from the depths of Southern Sri Lanka, with the unique ability to blend into any surface or background. Used as a mild insult towards strangers.

In verb form: The act of being neither of the extremes, but stepping away from the line altogether, and being an outlier.

I don't want to die. I'm so scared. What will it feel like?

The same as how you felt before you were born.

Purpose?

I enjoy observing interactions and conversations. While I also was a furious debater at one point in my life, this has been replaced by my current insistence on pure observation (unless something indescribably gross goes against either my morality or my consciousness).

Through this, I have observed the fattening addiction man has with the trivial and insignificant. Statuses. Rankings. Badges. Any brazened emblem that gives the "leg-up"- a right to look down on another.

Granted, I fall victim to as well. Our minds operate via schemas, and it's entirely natural to categorize. Where I draw the difference- what irks me like no other- is this maddened pursuit of a right to be holier-than-thou.

What upsets me is the lack of realization of both the insignificance and impermanence of it all. When the water of our lives ceases to flow, the only remnants of what was once one is the soul. Gone are the titles, forgotten are the accomplishments, and a new stream starts anew...

While the concept of a meaningless existence may seem entirely logical, I've always felt a sense of something greater. Not a benevolent "God". Not a "life force". Perhaps it's my answer to the ambiguity of death- but I cannot deny the existence of a certain "peace" with it all. But accepting this notion, what strives me for status? For intrinsic wealth?

Is Life a test? I cannot claim so. It is, I believe, a minute point on a "chaotic" and random path. That is, for as much as we place our efforts and force into the now, I press forward with this in mind.

(Tackling this issue is always a futile exercise in translating my mind's beautiful and enigmatic language)

I've read it described as "derealization" or "existential crisis," but in all sincerity, the phrase fails to accurately portray.

Our lives are, needless to say, infinitesimal. In the grander scheme, the transient journey we perceive, we're nothing but pebbles on a long, windy path. A path of unfathomable length- way beyond our feeble conscious understanding.

I sincerely believe there's a meaning to it all- a tangible beauty that manifests in everything. The beautiful music, the vibrant portraits, the stunning sensations. There's an indescribable feeling I can't quell.

I don't believe life is devoid of any meaning, but it's entirely full of it. That's the the joke- we're living it wrong.

Can we all just slow down? Goals serve their purpose, but what lies ahead of it? More of the same?

Breathe. Time stops for no man.

Inner-Peace

Internal solitude,

A quietly vast landscape that stretches for miles

Every corner lit as bright as the sun, every sense permeates with understanding.

Muffled footsteps dot the horizon...

a tenacious soul on its journey.

In this world, there are always some people , of whom the beauty never fades.

Relax. The ride has yet begun. Life? That's the five hours you spent in damn line next to the nagging and annoying people.

Please wipe the cobwebs off my mind.

We all move mindlessly to this deathly nocturne, unaware that the music changed long ago. Yet we continue to sway, as if our limbs don't have a choice. Perpetually misguided movements- waiting for a hand to tear open your eyes to tell you;

"you're not sleeping."

This is my Livejournal- sans the attention-whoriness.